world war me

I hate this

It happens every time before I leave the house.
I get ready for work/college/etc, try and look the best I can, look in the mirror and feel sick. I HATE what I see.
Like now. I want to go to my Nan’s for the night (she’s more of a mother to me) but I don’t want to leave my room. I don’t want to go out in public. I don’t want to be seen. I’m disgusting.
It just means I’m in a foul, emotional mood until I get back to my room. Which in this case, is 6am Sunday morning.
:|

Boxing

My boss suggested we sign up for boxing lessons together to get in shape. I think its an awesome idea. Its an activity to keep my mind off things, bond with my boss and get in shape at the same time. Hope it happens.

I’ve never felt so uncomfortable in my own skin

I feel like a puppet, and everyday life is pulling the strings of how I should act and look, or where I’m supposed to be.

I’m close to crying every second because walking around in this body makes me feel dirty all of the time, regardless of the fact I shower twice a day.

I don’t know what to do - its hard to pretend, putting a fake smile on my face, biting my tongue and carrying a false mood makes me feel physically sick.

I feel sick now, just at how desperately unhappy, dirty and lost I feel.

Flying out to Los Angeles in 35 days and I honestly don’t want to go. As if I’m gonna feel as though I fit in to one of the most fake and vile cities in the world. Its hardly gonna help whatever is going on in my head. What was I thinking when I booked it?
I’ve paid £800 for 2 weeks of more personal hell. Fuck sake.
I can’t even drink my self into oblivion because they class me as underage. I have to feel every second of it and its gonna kill me.
The idea of booking it was to get as far away from my demons here in London, but I’m only going to be running into more.

Do you know how bad it is ha? How mad I’ve got?
I can’t even like someone, or be attracted to a person because it makes me feel even worse. I know I don’t stand a chance and I know they won’t even notice I exist. I honestly don’t blame them but my pathetic self thinks that by popping 3 or 4 paracetamol that its gonna numb the pain in the sick hope it seeks out mental stuff as well as throat.

Ugh. Breathe deep. Pull it together and get through the rest of this day until bed.

omgitsalice:

My life :/

(Source: troudever)

I lost control

As you can tell from my last blog posts - Nearly everything fell apart. I lost control. I’ve binged for two weeks straight. It hasn’t made me feel any better. FYI I feel ten times worse.
Good news is I’ve only gained 3lb - Though I feel I’ve gained a stone.

I’m disgusting.
I’ll sort it out again. I can loose 3lb in 3 days and be back on track.

Sometimes I guess you need a kick in the teeth to make you stronger again.

Anonymous asked: Dear Sweetie,
Please don't let your parents hurt you. My parents did the same to me. Parents fucken suck and make you completely miserable and hate yourself. Just think of the possibility of moving out. You do not have to stay there for the rest of your life.
Just concentrate on that and everything gets better.
=D
I miss you :(

Hey Anon

I wish I knew who you were.
I have no parents as of 2 weeks ago - I consider them merely housemates.

(via ionlylivetwice)

home.

“I had to carry you while I studied my NNEB, I done this that this fucking that while bringing you up”

I’M SORRY I’VE BEEN A BURDON SINCE THE FUCKING WOMB.

“he once took 76 paracetamols and all that happened was he got dizzy, threw up, threw up more and then threw up blood. he went to sleep and woke up fine “

fuck. i only have 12

next »